


Intemerata

by clandestine_xo, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - MAMA (EXO Music Video), Angst, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 13:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13660437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clandestine_xo/pseuds/clandestine_xo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me – and in my mind, I am untouchable.





	Intemerata

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** 2017-023  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Suho/Lay  
>  **Word count:** 6,162  
>  **Rating:** Mature  
>  **Warning(s):** implied character death, implied suicide, non-graphic mentions of violence and war
> 
>  
> 
> **Author’s Note:** I got stuck on this at some point given how a specific point in the plot reflects too much of real-world happenings. I wanted to write more into every character’s back story and relationships. Perhaps I can do that after the fest as companion pieces to this…

It was the perfect day for rain. The gloomy weather was a reflection of everyone’s mood. Today of all days, seeing heaven cry was some sort of poetic justice.

He looks at the faces around him, heaving a deep breath in a poor attempt to stop his tears. He wonders if their time has finally come to an end. A fire without its spark, a bird without its wings, happiness no longer able to take flight. After everything they’ve been through together, is this, right at this moment, everything they could ever hope to be?

“Don’t hold back your tears,” one of them says. “He’ll feel insulted if you do. Cry as hard as you want. It’ll show him how much you care.”

And he cries. They all do. It was the only thing left that they could do.

That, and say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Junmyeon startles from slumber at the sound of banging on his door. No sooner had he allowed entry did a page come marching in with summons from the king.

“We’re going to war, sir.”

“When aren’t we at war?” he mutters under his breath. The page tilts his head in question, but Junmyeon only waves him off. “Call for the generals. I’ll meet them in the great hall in half an hour.”

The page offers a salute before dashing out, leaving him to change into appropriate dress rather than his night robes. Though he figures that several of his men are likely to show up still in sleep-rumpled clothing, thus rendering his current state of dress acceptable, he’d rather not hear a sermon on how he should present himself when in the company of others.

He runs into Yifan on his way to the great hall, noting how the tall male didn’t even bother tying up the strings of his shirt completely.

“I told the page to skip calling some of the others, if you don’t mind,” Yifan says with a quick bow. “I don’t think there’s a need to ruffle everyone’s feathers. The presence of a few squadron leaders should suffice.”

“You made the right call,” Junmyeon agrees. “How many nights did we sacrifice sleep only to execute a quick routine?”

“One too many.”

The two were the last to arrive at the great hall, three other generals already seated around a table adorned with map of the vast lands surrounding their kingdom. They stand to offer their greetings, only for Junmyeon to make them sit back down with a dismissive wave of his hand. Instead, he goes straight to the point, asking for any details that they may be aware of that may be of help in forming a battle plan.

“Scylla,” Sehun supplies, moving a battle piece over a specific area of the map. “Mountainous terrain. Three peaks that serve as watch towers that run rampant with guards, watching over a valley and boxing in the castle. Civilians live on the hillsides.”

Junmyeon surveys the room calculatingly before turning to Yifan, “Your perception is getting quite alarming.” The taller male quirks one eyebrow in question, to which the other replies with a gesture at the others. He smiles as realization dawns on the man’s face.

“An attack from the sky,” Yifan mutters, “to disarm the peaks. And another on the earth to cripple the entire city.”

“Then we have everyone we need in this room, and maybe one more to help,” Sehun muses. “We can partner up, take one peak each.”

Junmyeon can see excitement bubbling in the eyes of the youngest. It was a welcome sight over his usually stoic disposition, especially towards any of Yifan’s suggestions, but he knew he had to reign him in before anything else. “Their civilians,” he interrupts, “Is there an estimate on their number? What are their views on the city’s lord?”

“The mountains are rich in rare metal ore,” they all turn to Kyungsoo, waiting in rapt attention at what information the other can provide. “Their civilians are only that by name. They are miners and merchants by profession, harvesting and selling the ores to our highest-paying enemies to turn into weapons.”

A booming laugh echoes in the great hall, the sound bordering on maniacal as it breaks through the somber mood. “So it’s still divide and conquer,” Chanyeol says, disarming grin splitting his features. “No need for rescue.”

Everyone utters their agreement easily. Anyone on the outside would have found it disturbing, but the life of war was one they’ve all been accustomed to for years. The romance of saving innocents had long been lost on them.

“So let’s keep a small team,” Junmyeon says. “No need to mobilize the entire cavalry. The rest can take the next one. Have the page call for Minseok at daybreak. We will need him for this one.”

They respond with curt nods of understanding, Sehun opting to excuse himself to find the last member of their attack team.

Junmyeon raises his hand to stop him in his tracks. “There’s no need to rush. This should be quick work for us. I see no reason to rouse him at this hour,” he explains. “All of us can rest for now. We convene again with the others in the morning.”

He bids everyone goodbye, each of them heading a different direction back to their quarters. Though it was a mere three hours before they meet again, this time in the company of all the generals.

“Are you sure you only need a small team?” Yixing asks. “What if something were to go wrong?”

Junmyeon smiles softly. He knew the other was going to be his usual worrying self. It was endearing, but the fear was unfounded. Still, he chooses to appease him with some words. “Don’t fret,” he says. “That’s what we have you for.”

In the presence of his friends, eleven men known to be the strongest in the face of the planet, he lays out the plans.

“Yifan and Chanyeol will take a mountain each,” he begins, pointing to two peaks on the map. “Rain down on them with fire. For the last of the peaks, Sehun and I will conjure a storm for Minseok to turn to frost for an avalanche. Kyungsoo will shake the earth to take care of the valley.”

“Should I feel affronted that you’re brewing up a storm without me?” Jongdae interjects, his teasing lilt breaking through.

“You can shock anyone who manages to escape,” Tao replies, flashing the other a smirk. “I’ll even stop them for you for your target practice.”

Despite discussions of war, laughter fills the great hall. With the unrivaled skills the men in the room possess, they can afford to joke around. Throughout the three years of ongoing battles to seek control of the entire landscape of Minos, Junmyeon’s men had yet to lose. A feat their king is happy about, but won’t be satisfied of until all of the planet bows down to Elyxion and its army.

“Don’t get too cocky,” Baekhyun interjects, his unusually bored tone catching more attention than the words he spoke. “Yes, we are the most powerful. But we must keep in mind that our enemies are always trying to find ways to defeat us. The fact that Scylla has been making a profit out of those needs means people are starting to get creative. We are on top now, but there is a limit to everything. And you know what they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.” 

 

 

*********

 

The attack on Scylla goes off without a hitch. They give the few survivors options on putting value on their lives – to swear fealty to Elyxion or to die along with the rest of the city’s population. Those who chose to offer loyalty were to become slaves, but at least they live to tell the tale. The handful that threw curses at the generals fell on Tao, the mage stealing their body’s time, mummifying their forms in the middle of the city ruins.

“Let that serve as a lesson to anyone who wishes to learn what has befallen Scylla.”

Junmyeon reports their victory to the king, but instead of accolades at making quick work of another enemy, the ruler just scoffs. “You showed mercy. Such weakness! You should have never given them a chance to live. What guarantee do you have that the few Scyllans who now work beneath us will not rise to revolt?”

Junmyeon bows his head in apology, swearing to keep an eye out for such possibilities despite knowing it can never happen. Their king was hardly ever satisfied with anything he does, so he accepts the criticisms with no defense, leaving the throne room quickly the second the ruler gives his dismissal.

Much like the many times before, he sees Yixing waiting for him in the hall. His look of hope turns into sympathy once he notices Junmyeon’s expression.

The general smiles reassuringly. “He is the king,” he states. “He will only be happy once every corner of this planet bears Elyxion’s flag.”

“You keep saying that, and still _that’s_ what you receive every time you enter that throne room,” Yixing mutters. “And it’s heartbreaking to see you with the same look of disappointment on your face when you exit.” 

Junmyeon inhales deeply, heavy sigh escaping on his exhale. “I still long for the day when my father will say I did a good job. Is that too much to ask?”

“Don’t let that desire drive everything you do. Your thoughts and actions after everything is done with matter just as much.”

“I want all of this to end,” the general confesses. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending that I’m strong when all I want is to run away.”

Yixing flashes a scandalized look his way. “You can’t leave!” he hisses. “I won’t allow it!”

Junmyeon’s expression softens, hand reaching up to cup the other’s cheek. “I won’t,” he says. “Not without you.”

 

*********

 

On days when they have no battles to plan or wars to wage, the king expects nothing less of Elyxion’s elite group of soldiers than to train. They are only as strong as their weakest link, he says, often with a passing glance to the healer. Junmyeon always tries his best to quell his anger, clenching his fists and jaw tightly. He feels apologetic when he ends up unleashing it on anyone on the team, though not so much when certain situations arise. Those times, just like now, he just fears it.

Screaming at Sehun was like an out-of-body experience. It was not the first time it happened, but the youngest had pushed him to his limits this time. It was one thing to act as merciless and unaffected while on the battlefield, it was another to bring the same attitude to training. If he wanted someone to suffer, so be it. 

Junmyeon crouches down, palm flat on the ground, calling the waters up in a puddle around Sehun. “Jongdae, now!”

At the high general’s command, he who controls the lightning strikes with a bolt. Sehun’s howling winds quiet to stillness as he drops to the ground. It wasn’t long after that Yifan begins his freefall.

“Chanyeol!”

He’s never seen the fire starter transform so quickly, changing into his phoenix and flying up to catch the unconscious Yifan between his wings. They were only so lucky that he had reverted to his human form in the midst of Sehun’s mindless attack.

Chanyeol lands as gracefully as he can with the man on his back at the same time that Jongin apparitions with their healer. Yixing’s eyes widen as he stares at the two bodies on the ground, proceeding to shout to check Yifan’s breathing while he tends to Sehun.

It’s Baekhyun who gets to the two shapeshifters first, glancing warily at Chanyeol before kneeling beside Yifan’s prone form. The light bringer puts a hand under the man’s nose, feeling warm puffs of air, nodding an affirmative that he was still alive.

“We can’t pit them against each other anymore,” Minseok points out. “Their rivalry is getting too out of hand.”

“The king wants them to battle each other,” Tao states. “He knows they always bring out their best when they’re on opposite ends of the field.”

“Sehun obviously missed the memo,” Kyungsoo mutters. “The point was to be better, not kill the other.”

And that seemingly was the wind master’s goal, conjuring up a cyclone trapping Yifan in the center devoid of any air and stealing his breath.

Junmyeon listens to every word that passes his comrades’ mouths but his eyes only focus on Yixing. He watches as the pale blue light filtering from the healer’s palms seems to erase every electrical burn mark on Sehun’s body, closing wounds to bring his complexion back to its perfect ivory. And Junmyeon worries as Yixing tries to get up with as much poise as he can, only to stumble upon making his first step. He’s thankful that Jongin and Tao were both quick enough to break his fall. Junmyeon worries that the healer had already overexerted himself.

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae whispers. “I may have used too much of my power to ground Sehun.”

“It was necessary,” Junmyeon assures, tapping the other on the shoulder as he walks past. He replaces Tao and Jongin on Yixing’s side, guiding him along over to Yifan. As much as he does not want the healer to use more of his power, it was another matter of need.

“Don’t bother,” Baekhyun says, holding his hand up to stop their approach.

A hysterical cry leaves Yixing’s mouth, frantically saying he has to bring Yifan back to health. A prolonged lack of air could, after all, do damages unseen by the naked eye.

“If there was anything wrong with his mind, Lu Han would already be screaming inside our heads,” Baekhyun deadpans. “Save your energy for when we next go to battle.”

There was more than enough truth in the light bringer’s words than any of them can hope to refute. The telepath he spoke of was too connected to all of them to remain silent should they be in any harm. And if Lu Han has not entered their minds just yet, it means Yifan was safe in his forced slumber. And that was enough.

 

*********

 

It took weeks before Sehun and Yifan came face to face again, their time apart having been one of Junmyeon’s decrees after the disaster of their battle training. He needed the dragon back to full health, and the wind master back in his right mind, if they were to succeed in the next part of Elyxion’s war.

Their next target is Scalagua, a coastal territory their spies have determined to be one of the beneficiaries of Scylla’s forged weaponry. Known for the strength of their naval fleet, not to mention the breadth of their nation’s flag, they may be Elyxion’s toughest conquest yet.

“We won’t have the advantage of cover this time,” Kyungsoo notes. “They would have heard of Scylla’s fall by now as well. They’ll be expecting us." 

“Yifan and I won’t be of much use,” Chanyeol says dejectedly. “Informants have spoken that they have at least two hundred water mages in their ranks. We cannot take to the skies nor can we fight in our human forms with such open terrain. It’s just moot.”

Junmyeon understands completely, much in the same way he won’t be of much help either. The trouble with having powers drawn from the elements is knowing each complement, supplement, and opposition. He may be the most powerful water mage on the planet, but anyone else who draws the same type of element will have knowledge of his weak point. Alternately, the fires of their shapeshifters are likely to be doused with the combined powers of Scalaguan soldiers. And with the landscape so open, neither the phoenix nor the dragon will be able to make the first strike. It leaves the Junmyeon with lesser options for attack.

“There will be many casualties,” Lu Han states evenly. “I believe you’ve already decided as to why.”

Everyone else looks back and forth between the oracle and the high general, waiting to be informed of their strategy.

“Jongdae,” Junmyeon utters with a heavy sigh. “Take as many of them down with as much lightning as you can muster. Once their ranks are diminished, it shall be easier for the rest of us to swoop in.”

“Isn’t that too much?” Yixing asks, horrified.

Given how one of Jongdae’s lightning bolts had taken Sehun down, Junmyeon knew that he’ll deliver a devastating blow at the very start. He has the choice of a supplementary strike with Minseok and have the winter son restrict the water mages. He can also use a complementary assault with Sehun and have the wind master deflect any attacks on the shapeshifters, giving them a large enough opening that will allow the fires to break through the Scalaguan defense. He can even go with a more intricate strategy of using each of the generals for an organized offense. But those options take too much time that he doesn’t wish to waste on fighting. The quicker they work towards Scalagua’s demise, the faster he can appease the king, the closer he gets to his freedom.

“We’re going with Jongdae and that’s final,” Junmeyon says authoritatively. “Kyungsoo and Tao’s squadrons will be the secondary line of offense. Have your strongest fighters hit the ground running. Baekhyun and Lu Han, disorient as many of the ship captains as you can. Bend the light, create illusions, have them go blind, I don’t care. We cannot have their armory pointing to the beach. That should make things easier for the rest of us to finish things off.”

“And what of me?” Yixing asks somberly.

“If there are survivors, save only the women and children.”

 

*********

 

One of Yixing’s greatest fears is having to choose whether or not one life is more important than another. As much as it’s in his nature to want to heal anyone who needs it, he knows the limitations of his power. And as he stares at the devastation that Elyxion has unleashed on Scalagua, he knows that he has no other choice but to face that fear head on.

“The king is watching,” Baekhyun says, nodding in Lu Han’s direction.

The telepath is standing in the middle of the now calm battlefield, bodies surrounding his still form. A different person may think that he’s in shock at the images around him, but a look at the pure silver glazing his eyes tells them his seer abilities are active.

“Junmyeon won’t have a choice when it comes to you,” Baekhyun points out. “Don’t fight him on it, and don’t dwell afterwards.”

Yixing can only heave a deep sigh, fully understanding the words the light bringer uttered. The king is not one for mercy, and his son will aim to please. Even if he wants to save as many people as he can, he knows the king’s sight through Lu Han will force Junmyeon to save only Elyxion’s forces, innocents be damned.

Yixing steels himself to the idea. As much as he hates it, he’ll do it for Junmyeon.

“I’m so sorry,” the high general whispers as soon as the healer approaches.

“You do what you have to do,” Yixing says with a wistful smile. “And I will do what I can for whatever it is you ask of me.”

There are a hundred unspoken apologies in Junmyeon’s eyes as he gives out his next order. “Heal only our soldiers.” 

And Yixing does as the command goes out, flitting from one injured warrior to the next, all under the watchful eyes of the king, the oracle, the high general, and the light bringer. He’s only so lucky that the rest of the generals were fairly unscathed, sporting minor wounds that are sure to heal on their own.

Baekhyun follows the healer like a lost pup, making sure he’s close enough to serve as a crutch for Yixing should he need it. He was thankful that it wasn’t necessary, especially with having Lu Han’s silver gaze upon them.

“Visit my chamber later,” Baekhyun mutters under his breath. “You need it.”

Yixing tries his damnedest not to flinch. He knew the light bringer meant well for being the only one aware of everything he’s going through. He only hopes that Junmyeon is able to sleep soundly to make his escape easier.

 

*********

 

“You’re going to have to tell him soon,” Baekhyun says wistfully, taking the other’s hands in his. “You’re going to have to tell everyone soon.”

Yixing chuckles darkly as he watches the glow from their palms, his a cool blue versus the light bringer’s bright yellow, dance between their fingers. “I don’t think Junmyeon’s state of mind can handle the stress regarding my state of being.”

“Then I suppose we’ll keep doing this to buy you more time.”

“How are you even aware of this?”

“Frankly, I’m surprised no one else is.”

Yixing looks quizzical and Baekhyun is amused, the latter deciding to explain the matter that they should all know to begin with.

Energies in any system cannot be created nor destroyed. For whatever power they possess, it stems from one and transforms into another. For Tao to steal time much in the same way as Baekhyun takes away light, their bodies absorb the energies they robbed from their surroundings. For Yixing to replenish someone’s health, his body has to take the beating. 

“Wait!” Yixing exclaims as he attempts to break the other’s hold on him. “Baekhyun, please let go.”

“You won’t kill me,” the other says with a fond smile, keeping his tight grip on the healer. “I’ve taken too much energy to last me hundreds of lifetimes. This way I can at least bring honor to my title. Light bringer,” he scoffs. “Such a fallacy.”

Yixing becomes despondent as Baekhyun’s words hang in the air. In exchange for knowing his secret, the other had offered one of his own in the early days of their friendship, forging a trust no one can break. He still remembers how broken Baekhyun sounded, constantly haunting him with a deep-seated fear that the light bringer was spiraling into the abyss of his mind.

_“I wonder what happens when I lose all my light.”_

*********

 

Junmyeon wakes up to furious knocking on his door, a page frantically calling out his name. He has half a mind to ignore him, to spite his father’s summons for once in his life, and just burrow back into the covers. That idea soon dissolves into nothing when Yifan burns through his chamber doors.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the high general shrieks.

“Get up,” the dragon commands. “It’s urgent.”

“You don’t have the right to give me orders. Tell me what it is now before I drown you.”

“The healer and the light bringer are missing.”

Junmyeon’s heart skips a beat, breath catching at his throat as Yifan stretches a hand out, clutching a piece of fabric in a tight grip.

“We found this in Yixing’s room.”

A chill runs up his spine at the other’s tone. There was very little, if anything at all, that could shake Yifan’s resolve. But his voice held a startling amount of fear once the cloth was in Junmyeon’s hands.

Blood.

 

* * *

 

His father always told him to hold his head up high regardless of any situation. It was a must for him to have that high level of confidence to emphasize his stature, that he was a so-called god among men. But Junmyeon gets tired just like any human being, and no amount of repetition will ever sway him to behave other than how he feels.

He walks lifelessly across the same halls with his head bowed, making his way towards the same room. It was just another day for him to get through. He nods and hums as people greet him, not bothering to offer more acknowledgment than that.

He sighs as he takes his seat, mouth opening to talk, only to realize the seat beside him remains empty. Junmyeon blinks in confusion, unused to arriving ahead of the other. He trains his gaze on the door, willing for that familiar face to pop up with each passing second. It doesn’t.

“Byun Baekhyun?” their professor calls out. “Byun Baekhyun is not here again?”

Junmyeon worries at his lip for every name called, eyes flitting across the room and back to the door in blind hope. He barely registers his name being called if not for Yifan elbowing his side. 

“Zhang Yixing?”

“He’s in the hospital, Professor Lee,” Lu Han says flatly. “His parents rushed him to the emergency room this past weekend.”

It takes both Yifan beside him and Chanyeol at his back to prevent him from jumping out of his seat and rushing out of the classroom. Kyungsoo turns in his seat to fix a glare on Junmyeon, silently willing for him to not speak.

“As soon as this class is over, we’ll go,” Yifan appeases. “Bear with it for now.”

Junmyeon is known to have the longest patience out of anyone, barely batting an eyelash even when chaos surrounds him. He only ever really falls apart when Yixing is involved.

His friends give up the pretense of listening to the lecture, with Kyungsoo sneakily switching seats to be on Junmyeon’s other side. He places one hand atop the elder’s knee, hoping to at least calm the jittery movements.

“Did it seem like he was in a bad state last Friday?”

They didn’t have to see Chanyeol’s face to know how perplexed he looks, brows knitting together and a frown marring his lips.

“No,” Junmyeon answers through gritted teeth. “He was fine, hyper even.”

“Do you think it was over exertion?” Yifan prods.

Kyungsoo interjects the second he hears Junmyeon scoff. “Do you honestly think he’d allow that?” he points out in a deadpan. “But this is Yixing, he could have been hiding it.”

“He’s not good at that.” Chanyeol’s statement hangs in the air, the following silence serving as an echo of agreement.

“Wait, we forgot something,” Yifan says wide-eyed. “Baekhyun’s not here either. If anyone has any idea, it’ll be him.”

“And do you have any idea where to find Baekhyun, hm?” Chanyeol replies scathingly.

“Now is not the time, guys,” Kyungsoo scolds, preventing the two taller boys from bickering any further. It was a miracle in itself that they were actually talking.

“I quite agree with you there, Mr. Do.”

The four go rigid, eyes snapping forward to see their professor and the rest of the class looking on. They have just enough sense to apologize, promising to pay attention to the lecture, but Junmyeon’s mind wanders. And with it comes the haunting image of Lu Han’s taunting smirk.

 

*********

 

Dilated cardiomyopathy is a bane that Yixing has known all his life. All it took was for one family member to have it for him to inherit the disease, rendering him weak and useless. While some of those who carry the illness can go on to lead regular lives, his symptoms had only gotten worse as he got older. His parents had done all they could to ensure he lives comfortably, getting him the necessary treatments despite their status in life. But Yixing knew it couldn’t go on forever.

“Stop thinking,” Baekhyun cuts through the silence, pulling the other out of his reverie. “You can still get a transplant and everything will be okay.”

The idea pulls a dark chuckle out of Yixing, eyes rolling at the naivety of it all. Apart from the costs of the surgery, there was the risk of his body rejecting the donated organ, of developing infections, of dying during the operation.

“Why can’t you just tell him? You know he’d do everything if it means it’ll help you.”

“That’s what I don’t want,” Yixing argues. “As much as it hurts to hide just how bad things are, I don’t want to put this burden on him. I’m too scared about the consequences he’ll have to face because of me.”

“So you’ll sacrifice yourself instead?”

Both boys freeze at voice, heads snapping to the door to see Junmyeon and a few of their friends with stricken expressions.

“You’re dying.” 

It was a statement, not a question. Yixing can no longer lie when he’s certain they’ve heard all that they need to piece everything together.

“I’m dying,” he confirms. “My parents can’t pay for the surgery. Even if we can afford it by some miracle, they need to find a perfect match, and there’s a long waiting list for it.”

“Lu Han knew,” Junmyeon says, tone laced with heartbreak and betrayal.

“His family owns this hospital,” Baekhyun deadpans. “If Yixing had any control over that jerk butting into everyone’s business, Lu Han will never even know of his existence.”

“How did you know?” Yifan interjects. “And why help hide it?”

“He’s my best friend,” comes the reply. “We’ve known each other our whole lives and I’ve seen everything it does to him. I see the helplessness when his parents have trouble finding money to pay for his treatments. I see the frustration when he can’t put his all into his dancing for fear of collapsing. I see the heartbreak when people look at him in pity.” Baekhyun looks up right then, eyes staring straight at Yifan in defiance. “I can’t offer him much. All I can give is unconditional friendship and the knowledge that he’s no different in my eyes just because he’s on the verge of dying at any given moment.”

“Did you have to put it that way?” Yixing whines, breaking through the tension if only for a little.

They all grumble that they were somewhat aware that not all was great when it comes to his health. They just didn’t know it had already gotten to this bad of a situation.

“There has to be something we can do,” Chanyeol huffs.

“We can get the money,” Yifan says. “But–”

“The donor and the waiting list are beyond our control,” Kyungsoo interjects.

“What if we find a donor and–”

“Chanyeol,” Yixing grinds out. “If you suggest buying a spot on that list or something, so help me god.”

“I’ll handle it,” Junmyeon pipes up, hard gaze trained on Yixing. “That’s final.”

Everyone in the room is aware of what his statement entails, of what he plans to do and the cost of it. They all ask if he’s sure.

“I can’t be selfish this time. It’s his life or mine.”

Junmyeon walks out as soon as the last word leaves his mouth. He couldn’t bear to see the heartbreak in Yixing’s eyes.

 

*********

 

“Do you know what you’re asking for?”

Junmyeon nods solemnly, knowing that he has to face the consequences on his own. Like he told his friends, it was Yixing’s life or his. As much as he’ll have to keep lying to himself for the rest of his days, he can be happy in knowing the other was alive rather than be nothing but a memory.

His father chuckles humorlessly. “Who knew it will only take the boy being within an inch of his life for you to do as I say?”

Junmyeon clenches his fists, biting on his tongue to stop himself from cursing at the man. He submits, endures it for Yixing, puts his happiness on the table in exchange for the money needed for the boy’s surgery.

“No more games, Junmyeon. It’s time for you to grow up. Regardless whether or not that boy finds a heart in time, you will marry Lee group’s daughter and take your place in the family.”

 

*********

 

“How is he?”

Baekhyun scoffs, staring the other down with as much incredulity as he can muster. “Why would you care?”

“He’s still my friend.” 

“Please,” he says with a roll of his eyes. “As a friend, you should have told everyone how bad he was doing the second you found out. As a friend, you would have done everything in your power to get him those treatments. As a friend, you would have made sure he got on that list the second his doctor, _your dad_ , said he needed it.”

“You knew longer than I ever did!”

“And what power do I have?” Baekhyun screams in rebuttal. “I have no family to help me, no wealth to my name. All I have is his trust when he asked me not to tell anyone. Who am I to deny him the only thing I have left to offer?”

“He could have asked me.”

“Why? He couldn’t even ask Junmyeon, why would he ever think of asking you?”

The other boy sees red at the mention of Junmyeon’s name. “Yixing was mine first!”

“He’s not your goddamned property, dipshit!” Baekhyun argues. “You and Yixing were never together. You were that pest who thought everything can be bought with money and had yourself believing you had his heart. It doesn’t matter what part you had in his life. You just had to be a decent human being. Stop trying to justify whatever it is you do or don’t do because you have this weird self-entitlement. You’re nothing special.”

His throat feels raw from all the shouting, but at least he said everything he wanted. What he didn’t expect was the dubious smirk forming on the other’s lips.

“Are you that confident now?” he asks. “Just because you have Yifan and Chanyeol fighting over your affections doesn’t make you better than I am. How does it feel to ruin a friendship just because you were too greedy?”

“You think I don’t feel bad about that?” Baekhyun deadpans. “I don’t know what they see in me, but at least they _see_ me. That’s more than I can say for you.”

“How dare you?”

For a few moments, no other words pass between them. Heaving breaths slowing down to calm inhales, and then Baekhyun just smiles. It surprises Lu Han to a degree, seeing his lips upturned but looking into eyes so empty.

“Let’s just stop pretending now,” Baekhyun says softly. “I’m sure you already know why I stay beside Yixing, that I’ve been in and out of doctor’s appointments for the most suspicious reasons, and you’re just waiting to play that card. So I’ll give you an easy way out. Come to my house tonight, a little after dinner should do. Everything should be ready by then. This will all boil over. All you have to do is find me.”

The other stares at him with wide eyes. Any other person and he’ll think he just stole someone’s innocence by revealing all the truths and lies in the world. But Baekhyun knew better. He’s sure the other completely understood what he meant.

“For all it’s worth, I hope you do the right thing, Lu Han.”

 

*********

 

In the middle of whirlwind wedding preparations, Junmyeon finds himself constantly anxious. His father made good on his word to put Yixing on the priority list for a heart transplant, not even questioning how or at what cost. He’s put word out regarding the specific requirements necessary to ensure a successful surgery. Yet there’s still no word from his contacts a week after the fact. Everything will be for naught if a donor isn’t found in time, and it’s something both he and Yixing are running out of.

The ringing of his phone pulls him from his thoughts, confusion sinking in when he sees exactly who was calling.

“Hello, Lu Han?”

“Come to the hospital,” the other says gravely. “We have a donor.”

 

* * *

 

It was the perfect day for rain. The gloomy weather was a reflection of everyone’s mood. Today of all days, seeing heaven cry was some sort of poetic justice.

Junmyeon looks at the faces around him, heaving a deep breath in a poor attempt to stop his tears. He wonders if their time has finally come to an end. A fire without its spark, a bird without its wings, happiness no longer able to take flight. After everything they’ve been through together, is this, right at this moment, everything they could ever hope to be?

 “Don’t hold back your tears,” Chanyeol says with a hollow voice. “He’ll feel insulted if you do. Cry as hard as you want. It’ll show him how much you care.”

Junmyeon follows the taller boy’s longing gaze, eyes falling upon Yifan and his crying companion.

“Yixing is alive and Baekhyun’s heart is still beating. That should be enough.”

And he cries. They all do. It was the only thing left that they could do.

That, and say goodbye.


End file.
